Dream Sequences
by tfnmal23
Summary: After The Limey, let's just say I was all fired up. Had some dreams and this came to life.  It is told in the first person, as raw as it may come my thoughts are being shared with you.  Please read, review and share! Lots of love.
1. Chapter 1

Ok after The Limey, as most of you know I had a few things to say on Twitter. That whole night I was so upset because I thought, well…to be perfectly blunt. I thought that Castle was a total asshole. I was toying with so many emotions because I am invested in this show, this relationship and all that comes with it. I seriously don't watch TV much because as some of you know I work for Disney, long hours and super early hours, so therefore I have no time. I just recently started watching Bones in my free time because I've always wanted to watch it. I had heard of the comparisons and I was intrigued. Castle is the only show I watch and it is always on the brain. I personally think it will be a super sad day for me when this show goes off the air. I am not ashamed of this at all. When people ask me about this show that do not watch it, well I know that a glow comes over my face and I get all giddy as if I were talking about a significant other. Yes, I know. Quite ridiculous, but then I've met some amazing people on Twitter who are just like me and that makes my OCD ok. Anyway, my point is that I was so upset at the end of the show. Yes, I am almost sure that the title for the finale means everything and they will get there, but gosh the harshness wasn't expected at all. I thought when Castle was talking to his mother at the bombing memorial he wouldn't go back. I actually hoped he didn't after the way he acted in The Limey. I felt betrayed and I wasn't even dating him. Then after all of those feelings I attempted to go to sleep that evening. In my head was a running line…how the hell can this man think that she doesn't feel the same way? Then my hatred started running through again saying well he's typical man with his head in the clouds. So I went to sleep and I tried so badly to put myself in his position. I'm not a huge fan of Nathan Fillion, but his character Richard Castle really restored my feelings about the male gender. Yes, I am gay and nothing will change that, but it is so fresh and vibrant to look at this man week in and week out with the dedication to one woman, his family and his craft. I mean, the guy is a freaking gem. A keeper and like Stana said he's true blue. Then I see him act like a complete jerk, so my heart was completely broken and not just for Beckett. I believed in him as a human being ya know. I think that Stana Katic is the main reason I was drawn to the show and I think the first episode I watched was the one where he brought her the first cup of coffee and a bear claw to a crime scene. I've been in love with her ever since because of all the reasons we love Beckett for. A strong, audacious, determined and sassy role model that is trying to save the world day by day; A true hero that can be a real hero in our every day life.

So my dream consisted of me trying to understand why Castle was being so mean and really because us the audience knows so much more than our beloved characters, I wanted to why he, in his right mind, would think that she doesn't feel the same way. I focused on this year for one and in my dream began the maze of thoughts. I went back the swings and yes we all know that Beckett beats around the bush. Actually they both do now and communication is all subtext which is so left open for interpretation. One delivers the subtext with the hopes that they are on the same page, but never really clarifying what number page they are supposed to actually be on. Then a lot of time passes and like we all know the signals don't cross at the same coordinates, the tin can at the other end is only receiving Charlie Brown's teacher sounds on the other end (Does anyone know what the hell that lady was even talking about?) and page 105 isn't the same page they are on like their alter egos, Rook and Nikki.

Rise

Castle gets major bonus points in my dreams and on the show because after a summer of no contact and not so much as even a phone call, he talks with her and lets her back in. He's hurt and like he said _**He's still mad**_, but working with her every day is exactly where he wants to be. It broke my heart for him when he said _**Do you know what that feels like to watch the life drain out of someone you…care about?**_Does she? Well no she doesn't. It happened right before his eyes and he was trying to save her. So he was like a knight in shining armor trying to do his best to save her while putting his own life on the line. So true blue once again. Then he asked about Josh because he's whole three month summer, he thought about the fact that he declared his love for her of course, but he thought mostly about the woman he made this declaration to and if she was with Josh. He probably thought of several scenarios in his head from Josh taking care of her and nursing her back to health, holding her when she had a nightmare about the whole incident and sadly with a little pity he thought about the fact they were both sitting their laughing about the fact that she was dying on the ground and he told her that he loved her. I sometimes forget that it isn't just men that get a wounded pride when things don't go our way. We've all probably loved someone that didn't know we existed or they didn't feel the same way about us. So the first episode and these couple of scenes helped me look at things in his perspective better. The swing set scene was great and I thought he really got what Kate was saying, but I thought about it more and watch it again. There was so much subtext, but something I never realized before is that while those words came out of Kate's mouth. _**I know I'm not going to be able to be the kind of person I want to be, I'm not gonna…gonna be able to have the kind of relationship that I want until that wall comes down. And it's not gonna happen until I put this thing to rest.**_ This is where I got upset again with him because this was a conversation laying the ground work to the whole season. She was basically saying that she isn't ready. She isn't ready to love or be loved because she isn't whole (the kind of person she wants to be) and the kind of relationship she wants is the fairytale, but is the fairytale really possible at that time. No. Then I think about 47 Seconds and where he said _**I really thought we could have a future together, I was willing to wait. **_So I felt for the guy. I mean, why didn't she just come clean, but what would she have said. Wait for me and I might be ready. How can she honestly ask him to do that? Well in my mind if she loves him she should have told him that she heard him and not discard his feelings, but I can see how it would be hard to bring up. I was just on Team Castle at the time and well Team Caskett, so I felt coming clean about that day, her PTSD and her therapy that guy would have waited forever for her.__But instead comes along 47 Seconds to "blow" up in her face. He says _**Come to find out it's all just a big joke. She knew, this whole she remembered and she didn't say anything…she was embarrassed because she didn't feel the same way.**_ This was what I told all of you was on my mind as I was going to sleep. How could this man throughout this whole season think this woman, Katherine Beckett…yes, I said it with conviction in my dream as well. But think this lady doesn't feel the same way.

Heroes and Villians

The foggy haze continued into episode numbero dos. I climbed aboard the Team Castle train once again, but there wasn't much information I could use to help Kate in this episode. In fact, she lost some points for me. First, when talking to Anne. _**You're a good cop and you've got somebody who cares about you. Don't be so driven by the past that you throw away your future.**_ Now now Detective, perhaps should you have a tape recorder to hear yourself. That was my first thought and then I grew a heart for her. She is listening to herself. She's going to therapy…_**I want to be more than who I am. **_ Yes more subtext for us fans, but we all took the subtext to mean that she wants to be more than who she is for Castle, but this is from Kill Shot. Kate hasn't grown to that point yet, but she is flawed and getting there. Then that very last part of this episode, I leaned more on Castle's train because her cute little smile to his line while the couple kiss on the elevator wasn't seen by him. It was seen by us, showing us how much she truly adores him. But he doesn't know that. So no points for Beckett getting her feelings out there in a direct, non-direct or meta-communicative (what I said, isn't what I meant or what I meant, isn't what I said) way. Better luck next time.

Head Case

Finally there theorizing line over line is back in the morgue in front of Lanie. But the part that stood out for me vividly in my dreams was this, _**Wouldn't it be something if they reunited a hundred, even a thousand years from now?**_ Kate responds _**Well,**_ a_**nything is possible. You really believe that, **_valid question Castle. I think about her not believing in fate, soulmates, unicorns, fairies, double rainbows and Santa Claus. So can we believe or have a reason to hope that she is starting to believe. Yes, my flailing fangirls we can with this _**It's what the great love stories are about, right? Beating the odds.**_ And then he responds, _**I hope they make it.**_ And yes, finally Mr. Castle there is your hope to wrap your head around. Her smile and reponse, _**Me too.**_

Kick the Ballistics

Dear Kate, here was opportunity number two for you to come clean. _**And you still don't remember anything about that day?**_ I think it might have been better if you just ignored it or say that some things come back in dreams, but it's all a blur, but nope you say this _**No, it's a blank.**_ A blank? Really? A blank sounds so blah to me and now to Castle if he has done any research on his own at this point. A blank – an emptiness of feelings, a blank piece of paper, fill in the blanks (subtext isn't working for them anymore), a blank look, but it was just a blank rejection for Castle at this time. I could tell he was on to you then, but he decided to give your _**blank**_ rejection a little space, hell a lot of space.

Eye of the Beholder

Can someone say jealous much? Now, here Mr. Castle is when you should have been taking some cues that Beckett feels the same way. All the jealous rages with Beckett this season are clear, very clear indications that she is indeed jealous for one and why have you not once, I might add, asked her, _**why do you care? **_Mr. Call-Her-Out dipped out after season 2 episode The Late Shaft with the dame Ellie Monroe, did it Castle? She hasn't snapped at you at this point because that comes later. You've invaded in her personal life, so it is no longer personal. You've pealed back the layers of the Beckett onion; It's ready to be dipper in batter and served at the Outback, so why haven't you pushed her like you did in the past to get her to talk? I thought she was extraordinary, I thought she was a mystery that you may never solve and I thought you were still doing research? What happened that you didn't want to push her to her limits anymore? So points for Kate in this episode. Even more so because of this statement from a bystander that doesn't even know your history, _**I don't steal things that don't belong to me.**_ Duh? Incoming 2x4 to smack you in the head. Duck!

**So my peeps, my tweeps, my doodazoids and my doods, this is what happens when I close my eyes at night after an explosive episode like The Limey. 47 Seconds didn't affect me as much as The Limey and I can clearly see Castle is in pain. He feels humiliated, betrayed and his pride is wounded and the only reason I was so upset and ranting in Beckett's honor is that she doesn't know that he heard that statement. It doesn't mean that she is right in what she did and by no means does it make me lean more to her. I just feel that his actions on this new found information is a little over the top when he started to have a conversation with her and one of the king cockblockers interrupted their conversation. She was on the same page by the clear look on her face and then he finds out while watching the interrogation through the observation room and the tides get a little rough and choppy. So her being the highly trained detective is more than likely going to figure this out on her own or with a little help of a loved one on her side or his side. Who knows how the lovely writers will paint the picture for us. Kate is brilliant and she is already off screen thinking about **_**sinning in silence**_** and if that wasn't clearly directed at her then this was **She's fun and uncomplicated. I think that's what my life needs right now.__** And with a spin on his feet he's headed to the elevator without a second thought. It broke my heart, but the Castle that I know has won round 1 on the Season 4 dream sequences for me and my guess is that it's all an act. He's breaking on the inside and lashing out because that's his way of coping. I will continue with this because I know when my head hits the pillow, my eyelids become heavy, Mr. Sandman or woman comes, I will begin dreaming right where I left off. Stay tuned.**


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: So I realize that this hasn't started off like a fan fiction of normal capacity, however what is normal? And don't spoil it yet because I'm getting to a fan fiction once I go through this. It is a process. The Limey was the spark that started all of this, but I've got to lay the ground work.

Disclaimer: I know Castle is a show, but it isn't just any show to me and thousands of other fans. I don't own the characters, the writers or Marlowe's minds and I have no desire to do so. I just want to be a part of it as a fan.

Demons

So this is where I begin to notice that Kate is throwing a lot more smiles Castle's way. Yes, there was one glare when Shaggy and Scooby (a.k.a. Ryan and Castle) go off to find out about the mysterious demon in the haunted house, but wasn't that a cute glare people. Anyway, in my dream of this episode I replayed it back in my mind while piecing together what we've already seen in Season 4. I think Kate found out that she better start flashing some smiles and crinkling her sweet green eyes his way after his like make out sessions with the art thief from 4x05. There were several moments where Kate has thrown her no nonsense attitude goes out of the window to side with Castle's widely outlandish theories. She asks Esposito if he's been drinking Castle's Kool-Aid later in the season, but really Beckett, have you? Examples that stood out for me was when he wanted to search the haunted house for a secret passage way and he wanted her to say it, say it for him. She's not afraid of any ghosts. Then she totally messes with him at the house telling him a ghost story of her own that never happened and I had flashbacks of when Castle started telling her the story about the murdered little boy that never happened. Also at the end of the case her coming to believe that someone or something wanted them to solve the murder and him believing that demons don't exist. That cute little look that she did at him in the elevator while he wasn't looking was adorable. But that is the problem most of the season. He didn't get to see these looks and that is why he is so hurt, lost and humiliated. While Kate is trying to come around slowly, but surely, she is still behind the eight ball. Castle is still in the dark because Kate is only using subtext to communicate.

Cops and Robbers

There was so many tell tale signs for Castle about how Kate feels about him. However, as usual she uses subtext again and through all of it he's supposed to get it. Truly she hopes that he got the swing talk as it being about him, the relationship she wants to have, but she needs him to wait. Don't worry Castle I'm as frustrated as you are because why couldn't she just say that. Say that she heard him, say that she spent the whole summer trying to heal and think about what his confession of love meant to her. But no in this episode she says, _**we're partners, it's what we do**_ right after she saves Martha and his lives from the bank. So now what is he supposed to think about the long stare when you came in as an undercover paramedic, the hand hold and the loving look once she rescued them from behind the bars at the bank. Was he dreaming all of that? Castle, I understand how confusing this all is, but you were not wrong in keeping hope. She loves you and you are more than a friend or a partner. For not working side by side during this case, they really showed a great partnership with Beckett knowing that Castle was sending a message SOS and being able to determine what he was trying to get across. Their partnership is definitely strong and so is their friendship, but relationship talk is apparently were the ground turns into rocking ocean and neither of them have a life preserver to stay afloat.

Heartbreak Hotel

So the last case Cops and Robbers we found Kate and Rick pretty much separated, but connected still. Now we have this case that takes the boys to Atlantic City. Beckett has to stay back (Captain's orders) because the Sir with Love would like to see what she can do without him and minimize her _**distractions**_ (a.k.a. Castle). Castle doesn't know this of course, but I loved how Beckett defended Castle for his usefulness to the Captain. Nothing new in regards to the relationship of Caskett for us shippers, but I will say that I actually began to enjoy Captain Gates during this episode.

Kill Shot

I, as well as most Castle fans, loved this episode. Some very brilliant acting done by Stana Katic and Jon Huertas, but as far as my dream and this soon-to-be normal fanfic it didn't help me with why Castle doesn't think Beckett feels the same way and is now in present time, humiliated. Kate snapped at Castle during this case and yes it was mostly because of he PTSD, but Castle is just looking out for her and trying to help her. But as Castle may have seen, sometimes the one's that are the closest end up getting most of the heat when things are going in a tail spin. I know that this isn't how it played out, but in my dream at the end when she said, _**Thank you**_. He said, _**For what?**_ _**Not pushing and giving me space to get through this. Always.**_ My part I added in my dream:

She smiles and says, _**I've been going to therapy and you are right. The wall won't be there forever.**_ End of scene. I do think she was forward enough, but he needs to know that she is really working on getting closer to him and he felt like most of the case she was pushing him away. That could have made a big difference at this critical time. Castle is so dedicated to her and a part of me feels Beckett has been taking him for granted and has just assumed that he is going to wait forever. I mean, when he knew that she wouldn't listen to him, he went to Esposito to try and break through Beckett. He truly cares about her and knows her probably better than she knows herself. And that is what scares her the most.

Cuffed

This case could have been a dream come true. I was hoping that while they were handcuffed that they could have tackled some of their issues. I didn't feel that had to hash out their secrets that they were keeping from each other. I just thought that maybe Castle could have asked how she broke up with Josh and when? I mean, if I were him I would be wondering this all summer and all of these months because that knowledge could help him with his hope that she is worth the wait. I did enjoy the bickering about, Are you always like this in the morning? And Beckett's control issues of always wanting to be first, but also in this same case she did allow Castle to protect her, allowed him to leave her through (even though he asked for her approval) and she allowed him to look through the wall first and that was mostly because of the comment. So she did realize that her always wanting to be first is wounding his male pride and she thought she should let him lead once in awhile. There was a couple teasing sexual innuendo moments that we haven't seen all year for the most part. Another thing that could have been tackled or asked by Beckett was how Castle felt about his two failed marriages. They spent all of this time trapped and they could have worked out some of the other issues that are on their minds. The audience (us) we know they have secrets right from the beginning and we were holding our breathe all year wondering when they would surface, but the characters did know about each others secrets so they could have tackled a few other topics to help move things in the right direction. I did love the signs of hope coming from Kate to Rick. When she asked him to hold her hand, when she said that they should do the three legged race together at the picnic, when she held his hand while they were spinning on top of the freezer trying to not get eaten by the tiger and of course the glorious ending that I hope wasn't just a tease, _**next time let's do it without the tiger**_. As we know Kate has a few teasing comments that we hope will get acted upon #whencasketthappens. I would give major points to Beckett on this case.

To summarize about my theory, I still feel for Castle because it isn't clear where they stand right now. It was clear and he understood that day on the swings, but as case by case goes by and time keeps flying; he can't help but wonder where he stands. Actually, she had mentioned that she always likes to keep one foot in and one foot out, so is she doing that with Castle right now. She has done that with all of her relationships in the past and clearly nothing has changed. In therapy she has been working on letting her mother's murder go so she doesn't feel like she is letting her down. It is time that she starts working on this relationship or soon there will be no relationship that will need any working on. But at this point Kate isn't ready because it was just Kill Shot where she finally said she is ready. She isn't ready for the relationship or to even just let her mom go, but she is ready to start talking about it. That is why I changed the part at the end of Kill Shot. Castle needed a little play by play from Kate because he is waiting and he will wait for as long as it takes, but she needs to keep him up to speed. Right now, he can be hopeful about how she feels about him because of Cuffed, but even when she said, _**If I ever have to spend another night handcuffed to someone, I wouldn't mind if it were you either.**_ Did you see that shock on his face? Yes, he was wondering at that moment. Wondering what does that mean exactly? I know he is trying not to push her because she scared the crap out of him by snapping at him in Kill Shot, but he really needs to start getting some clarification on some of her subtext. However, we all know he hasn't confronted her and an explosion has happened on Caskett Street. The shipper name has been separated at the time and they stand alone at their dead ends of Castle Ave. and Beckett Blvd.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: So I hate talking about excuses for why it has taken so long for this to get written. I guess I've been trying to write and stay ahead of it more. So I'm about to the end of season 4 and updates should come more frequently. For those that have been following, especially my peeps (you know who you are) I'm sorry. I told you that this journal like blog stuff if going to be a real fic I promise. I just feel that building it up much like the lovely creator of the show is important. And who doesn't love to read someone's interpretation of the season in someone else's eyes. I'm not over analyzing anything, but I am invested in the relationship of Caskett and more importantly this show. In my opinion of course, this is the best show on TV. And I'm grateful it exists, so my mind can stay flooded and busy with what I think and feel as the show goes on. Now moving on with 4x11 and beyond. Thanks for reading, sharing and reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the rights, the characters, but this is my insight. Which is an opinion, we all have them.**

**Till Death Do Us Part**

Castle Really? I would leave it at that, but Kate's love eyeballs at you weren't enough to tell you that she is at least interested. I mean, when she thought you had an actual date instead of Alexis. Well, my first thought was that you might have asked Serena Kaye and I wonder if that is what Kate was thinking. Her heart fell down into her stomach and came back up into her chest when you finally said, **"It's Alexis." **She is clearly jealous like really jealous, which to me is a sign that she is concerned more than a friend would be if you had an actual date. Then she allows him to rant his theory without interrupting him and then wrinkles her nose and says, "I can't think of anything better." Maybe this doesn't mean that she loves you, but she is definitely standing in the same corner, on the same page, down the same path, on the same team, partnership….yeah.

Then Mr. Castle, one of my favorite smiles/biting of the lip combination before Kate says, **"Men…you all want to know, but you don't want to know."** Swoon. I was lost in it, so surely to the powers that be, you were too. So waiting a little longer for wouldn't kill you, but maybe never seeing those faces of Beckett might. Stick in there big guy.

Each other's plus one's…there was a time when our great detective wouldn't ever be a plus one with Castle. However, she willingly and secretly hoping for a future with you, walked in a church full of people on your arm.

**Dial M for Mayor**

She risked her job for you. She lied flat out to her Captain saying she had no connection back to City Hall, meaning the Mayor. She did that because she felt you would be gone if she had. She needs you. I know the last may be read all in subtext, but you were present when she lied to Gates. She did that for you, Castle. Not to protect the Mayor….to protect you.

**Embarrassment of Bitches**

Can you say subtext anyone? The custody of Royal was so adorable, but I couldn't help but notice how upset Beckett was when Royal picked Kaye. Well not really Kaye, but being with the smaller dog. That's a natural move for a dog, so you could have found that a little – both of you. I thought that Beckett wanted Royal in between you and her for a way that you could grow closer together. So clearly she loves you, but as we know (the audience) she is healing. That is why I do understand that subtext has killed it for you. You are trying to figure out the come here, go away pull with Kate. I also think that if you wouldn't have ran out of her apartment after that hand rubbing/hand hold action, Kate was going to say something to you. But you gave her space like you _**always**_ do. It isn't a bad thing with space, but you've invaded her life, asked tough questions before, and push her beyond where she wanted to go before. What are you so afraid of now?

**The Blue Butterfly**

Not that this means anything to an average Joe, just watching Castle for the first time, but Beckett willingly allowed you to bring the PI's diary home. Season 1 she freaked when you took pictures of a crime scene and now she is letting you take evidence home. Really? And I'm crazy. Please. So my point is she has learned to respect your theories, insights and yes your partnership. Things have definitely evolved.

Then you are reenacting the story of Joe and Vera for Kate (Kate's heart quickened). What were you thinking buddy? Did you catch it when she was upset when you said, **"That's it? That was the last entry in the diary."** Must we flashback again, ok – Yes, I'm proving my theory so yes we will. She believed in the story – the true love story between Joe and Vera. Like believing in hope, fate, psychics, the tooth fairy and Santa Claus. You've shown her the possibility of magic. She's found it because of you.

"**That's the stuff dreams are made of." – Castle**

**Pandora**

Jealous Beckett. Swoon. Dead.

Why would any woman be that jealous of your past rendezvous'? Yo, knucklehead, she loves you, wants to be with you, can't bare the thought of you with anyone else.

Her asking questions are clues. Otherwise, why would she care?

She was taken back to find out that you researched with someone else for a book. You handle that conversation in the car pretty well, but then CRASH, you hit a wall…

"**So how long did the two of you "hang out"?"**

"**A year?"** EXPLOSION! "**That's your idea of a brief moment."**

Clearly we have a jealous detective with a loaded gun.

"**How many other women have you semi-stalked in the name of research?"**

Haha, men are so dense sometimes. "**Is this a trick question?"** That's all you got. Really?

P.S. This is why I love the writers for Castle. Their dialogue is some of the best stuff out there.

"**We're on the same team here."**

"**No, you are on her team. The way you look at her you sure as hell are not on mine."**

So we have jealous and confused Kate. It makes her wonder just how many other muses there were and where does she fit in the mix. She doesn't want to just be another number.

**Linchpin**

You, our hero, saving Beckett from the drink!

News Flash: Writer Boy Saves New York's Finest from the Hudson River! News at 11. Right, Javi?

Reckless, immature, self-centered, jackass. Ring a bell?

"So you slept with her?" I sure love Jealous Beckett more than anything, but then you throw "wet" with "wet hair" Jealous Beckett and…flatlined. Get the paddles folks.

Looking back with my research, she has been jealous all along. The date with bachelorette #3. I mean, she was determined to make her jealous rage disappear with Mr. July from the NYFD Calendar, but she failed and our poor shipper hearts went off into dreamland with visions of burgers and shakes. And let's not forget about the twisting of Kate's hair. I still dream about that. Oh, the things that she does to you…and me, right?

"**Have there been others?"**

"**Women?"**

"**Muses."**

"**No why?"**

"**I just wanted to see how big the club was, that's all."**

"**How could they get a court order so fast?"**

"**I don't know. Why don't you ask your girlfriend?"**

**Lanie asks with a raised eyebrow, "Girlfriend?"**

"**Yes. We slept together. It was a long time ago. What's the big deal?"**

"**There is no big deal. Sleep with whomever you want. The more the merrier."**

And now your banter, her jealousy is out in the open for others to see. So how if she didn't care at all do you think that she would be bickering with you? She thought that she knew everything about you. That she peeled all of your layers, but she has found out something new. She has found you interesting from the beginning. She told this to Will when he said, **"You like him."** So you keep her interested, but your past relationships scare her. They make her vulnerable.

Then just as Kate thought she was getting closer to you, Sophia Turner comes to sabotage all that she has been working out in her head. Your playboy, bad boy reputation, your going back to your ex wives, the first, then the second, but each time she saw something completely different in you. The person that is an excellent son to his mother, makes her look awful with her relationship with her own father. The person who nursed her back to health last summer yet she can barely make a lunch date with him weekly. Also you are the best father that anyone could have, Alexis is so lucky. She sees the love you have for them and that you put them first in your life. Yet you still find time to put her first as well. You bring her coffee, put her coat of for her, open the door when she let's you or isn't banging down a door. You've become part of her daily routine. Body drops. Call Castle. You bring her coffee. Find suspects. Ryan checks videos. Esposito makes alibi checks. Lanie informs you at the morgue. Interrogations. Detect. Solve. Case Closed. Paperwork. And you still are sitting in the chair next to her desk. You are a part of her and she is a part of you. Through it all.

**Once Upon a Crime**

"**I feel like my whole life is being invaded?"**

"**You'll get used to it. I did."**

Her ease. Her smiles. Don't they make you go gaga? It was pretty constant on this case, Castle. Then my observation was that she let you go off on a tangent again about your theory. She respects your theories now and I love that. You are thinking like a real cop there Writer Boy. You've proved so many times that you are reliable. Frankly, I think you could write the perfect murder with all the "research" you've done.

"**You're cute when you get angry. But not when you get angry with me."**

You probably didn't have time to relish the look after that comment made to her, but love was flowing. But Esposito comes in with his normal "Yo!" then rants his interrupting information to ruin the moment. They don't even ask if they are interrupting anymore.

Actually marketing should look into get t-shirts made for Season 4 with Espo and Ryan on the front and under their pictures could say, "The Interrupters'!" I bet they would make a fortune seeing as Season 4 ended with a good ending for us Caskett shippers! Interrupt away, but nothing is changing the fact that Castle and Beckett finally make out!

But now back the angst at hand…

"**All because of a terrible secret."**

"**Secrets are like time bombs."**

"**Eventually they explode."**

Hey there Castle, she'd use her gun on your mother. That's got to be love, right?

"**And that's why we need fairytales, in the face of too much reality, to remind us that happy endings are still possible."**

Castle, you've been sharing your kool aide with Beckett, haven't you? Evolving daily.

End of the night. She held your hand. Aww.

**A Dance with Death**

Smiles continue.

I think this case you both were so in sync with bouncing back and forth theories. It was cute to watch. Almost completely back in sync after the nightmare we call Sophia Turner. Back on track.

There isn't much during this case that would prove her love and admiration, but this…

"What's going on?"

"I was just thinking how we rely on dreams to keep us going in life and how sad it is when they become the things that tear us down."

"Yeah well that might be the case for Barbara, but not for everyone with dreams that didn't come true. I mean, take Lanie for instance. She wanted to be a dancer, but she became a doctor. That's not so bad is it?"

"Hmm. What about you? I mean, I know you became a cop because your mother was murdered, but there had to be something before that. What did little Kate Beckett want to be when she grew up?"

"At Stanford I was pre-law."

"So your dream was to argue a case before the Supreme Court."

"Yep. I was on my way to becoming the first female Chief Justice."

"Wow. Not bad."

And that look. This continues, but that look right there pretty much sold my whole theory. I really don't have to write anymore or prove anything. But giving you the benefit of the doubt. Why? Because we as humans are sadly more likely to remember the bad. For instance, after 47 seconds bombing case you probably remember every word she said to Bobby in interrogation, but I bet you can't remember her purple sweater she was wearing that really made her look extraordinary. So her smile, your connection at the end of the case, even for a brief moment goes to the back of your mind. It's still there. It's where we remember what are loved ones love. Like her coffee, how she likes it, favorite dish at the Chinese restaurant, favorite color, how she bites her lip to hide her smile, etc. The good is there. We just have to find it. That smile could move mountains, bring down walls, maybe even her own, so those are meant to remember.


	4. Chapter 4

**Top of Form**

**Author's Note: Wow, I've managed to get some people all upset that this isn't a fanfic, but more of a blog. But in my own defense this is a dream sequence and now is the beginning of the fic. I made it seem that I was writing a blog and I personally was writing to Castle himself to prove that Kate has loved her for a very long time. However, you will now see it wasn't me. Just an illusion that I was building to, so here we go.**

**Disclaimer: You crazy cats, I clearly do not own Castle. Only in my dreams do I own this little spin.**

It's 3AM and he is up staring out the window by the piano in the living room. The glow from the city lights are shinning in on him. It is pouring outside and has been for the past three nights. He loves the rain, the thunder and the lightning and he is sure that he could sleep through it all because he has always been able to. But lately, well who is he kidding he's been having these dreams almost always about Kate. It wasn't until recently; he was being led through these dreams by a narrator that he didn't really know. He here's scuffling of feet coming across the floor towards him.

"Richard, what are you doing awake?" Martha asked while rubbing her eyes. Her standing there in her neon green robe rubbing her eyes trying to wipe the sleep away, but still squinting at him waiting for him answer.

"Remember when you asked me if I was trying to get back at Kate for not telling me that she's known this whole time... All year?"

"Yes." She paused. "Is that why you are wide awake at 3AM?"

"Mother, I think I might need therapy. Did you know that Kate was seeing a therapist?"

She could hear the distaste and angst in his voice, but it almost felt as though his angst was at himself and a little at Kate. He is still mad at Kate for pushing him away like she always has been doing. "Why can't she just realize that I have been here the whole time? Right here, by her, for four years, right here." He moved over to the couch and sat down with his head in his hands. His mother sat down next to him and he leaned into her lap.

"Richard, what brought all of this on? I thought you were working your last case with Beckett and beginning to move on. Has something changed?"

"Mother, you and I both know that moving on from Kate isn't going to be like a light switch."

"Oh, I'm glad you see that now. And you realize that any new woman isn't going to replace her and working with another cop won't make it easy either."

"I've been having these dreams since the case with the mayor. It is like someone is narrating these dreams for me, but I could figure out who was doing it. It wasn't really a dream as much as someone knowing my past and present relationship with Kate. Telling me that I was being an idiot. They are trying to show me that Kate has loved me for a long time, trying to make me see this through this whole year of cases. Our interactions and conversations that at times, only she and I would know about. It is so creepy. And that is why I haven't been sleeping. Then you add to the fact that her mother's case has a connection to this case we are working on now...well I can't sleep. I want to protect her mother, but she doesn't want my protection. She wants revenge, a war and she doesn't value her own life to get this over with. It scares the hell out of me."

"Well did you talk to her? You stopped her before. You can stop her again."

"Not this time. I went to her apartment and asked her to stop. She found out that I was keeping her from her mother's case, but she didn't accept my reasoning. She told me it wasn't my decision...her life. I told her I loved her, I told her I knew she knew this for about a year and I asked her to stop if she cared about me at all. I laid my heart out there and she didn't budge. She is running at the cliff, about to jump and I can't stop her. Montgomery told me that they way he looked at it; I was the only one that could. But not now. She is going to take matters in her own hands and I told her I can't watch. I told her I was done and I walked away."

"Oh darling," she rubbed her hand through his hair. He was now stretched out on the couch with his head in his mother's lap. She was comforting him just like he was a child. Who cares? This was a matter of the heart and despite his actions during his hurt period.

"I can't close my eyes. All I see is his face."

"Who's face?"

"Captain Montgomery's, he is the one directing my dreams. He came to me last night and told me he was the one telling me I needed to stop her." He paused. "I know it is ridiculous and that is why I said I think I need therapy."

"It's not ridiculous and therapy isn't a bad idea. I know you follow her to protect her because you don't her to die. You watched her die in your arms last year and I think that trauma was enough for anyone to be in therapy. And her being in therapy is best for her considering what she went through."

"He told me that he was trying to make me see that she was evolving, healing and falling in love with me. After the bombing case, as you know I pulled away from Kate because I thought she didn't feel the same way about me, but he was subconsciously trying to make me realize that waiting for her to heal is worth it. And I see it now. I think she does feel the same way, but this one case has a hold of her. It has a gravitational pull into the darkest part of her soul. You know mother, I didn't tell you, but she asked me to wait for her when she came back from her summer at the cabin with her father."

"So that is what you should do...wait for her. Let her heal kiddo."

"But how long does she expect me to wait for her? And I can't watch her put her life on the line. I just can't put myself through that again."

"Look, tomorrow is Alexis' graduation and we are all she has got. We need to get our rest, get that beautiful girl through one of her life's milestones and then we'll focus on what to do about Kate. Okay?"

"Okay, Mother," and he made his way through the office.

"Oh and son," she said.

"Yes, Mother," he replied.

"Tell Montgomery I said hello and that you get it. He can let you get some rest now."

He smiled and nodded. He flopped on his bed and quickly he fell asleep in the same position he had landed.

xxxxx

Montgomery didn't come back in his dreams. Castle woke up feeling a little rested, but it would take him a week or two to get fully rested after his sleepless lights. He swung his legs to land on the floor next to his bed. He could smell something very familiar and deliciously like chocolate chip pancakes and coffee. He slid into his robe and made his way to the kitchen. Alexis was busy in the kitchen dirtying every pan and making the breakfast of champions. His mother was sitting at the bar reading the paper and sipping her coffee.

"What is all of this?" he smiled looking over the bar at all the food.

"Well I'm just feeling so much better about growing up and my speech that I just wanted to get this day started with a great breakfast. Can you believe I am graduating today?" she smiled and placed her hands on her hips. She caulked her head at her father. "Dad, are you ok? You look tired and sad."

"Well my baby girl is growing up. Some day you will know what this feels like," he rounds the island to her and ropes in with a big bear hug.

"Oh Dad, I'm going to Columbia and we have to set boundaries and rules, but we should get together for lunch or dinner each week. I love cooking together and there are things I'm not giving up. I am worried about you being here alone tonight. Gram's, can't you wait to go to the Hampton's?"

"No, no, no, you are going to the Hampton's and you are going to have fun at project grad. I have writing to do, movies to watch, video games to play and I need a little me time. Don't worry about me."

"Well maybe Detective Beckett, don't freak, but maybe you could invite her to watch movies with you?"

"I did invite her, but she has other plans sweetie."

"Well I am secretly hoping her plans fall through. Nothing wrong with that. Eat up Dad. I made too much food." She laughed and handed him a plate full of pancakes, eggs and bacon.

xxxxx

Castle is sitting at his desk in his office looking over his Nikki Heat notes and timeline for his latest novel. Who is he kidding? This isn't going to work. Writing about Beckett's alter ego isn't going to pass the time any easier as anything else that he trying to do to get over her.

His phone rings. He looks down at the caller ID and flashing on the screen in black letters with blue background says 12th Precinct.

He thinks about answering it. It can't be Kate because she always calls from her personal phone. Maybe they need my help. He slides his finger across the screen to answer.

"Hello."

"Castle, its Kevin. Listen, I don't have a lot of time to explain. Beckett and Javi are going after her shooter. They didn't tell Gates and they aren't calling in back up. Castle, I've never seen her like this."

"Kevin, I tried to stop her. I talked to her last night and I asked her to stop. She is out for revenge and no one can stop her. She isn't thinking rationally. You should fill in Gates and get to the location. Do what you have to do? I've got to go. It's my daughter's graduation today and I need to focus on this right now."

He didn't wait for a response. He just hung up and sat his phone down on the desk. He looked out the window and up to the sky. He turned to the murder board and the picture of Montgomery. "I hope that she will be okay. I'm leaving it to you. I can't save her from herself."

xxxxx

"Sir, I don't have a lot of time to explain, but can we round up swat and I'll explain on the way to the location." Ryan sucked in a breathe as he barged into the Captain's office without knocking. "Please, Beckett and Esposito went rogue on this case. We need to go make sure they aren't in trouble."

She didn't say a word. She picked of the phone and grabbed the address from Ryan's hand. She told dispatch to have a team at the address as soon as possible and she would meet them at the point.

"Ryan, I'm driving. Now starting talking," as they made their way to the elevator.

He explained everything. The connection of Montgomery with Beckett's mother's murder case then finding out that guy they are chasing was her shooter in the cemetery last year. "Captain, she's out for revenge."

"Yes, and she disobey a direct order because I told her that there is no room for personal vendetta's in my precinct."

They make it to the location and find Javi on the floor with a bad blow to the head. He waves them past him saying, "The roof. She followed him up to the roof."

"Go Ryan and you three go with him. I'll be up in a minute." She looked down with a glare at Esposito who was wincing from pain and rubbing the back of his head. Then she briskly walked off heading for the roof and all he could hear was the clicking of her heels as she walked away.

"Beckett!"

"Castle!"

"Beckett!"

"Castle, I'm here. Nooooo, Oh god. Castle!"

"Beckett, hang on."

"Castle!"

"Beckett!" She feels a grab at her arm and she pulled up. Back on solid grounding, she looks around, "Castle?"

Ryan nods his head in a no fashion and clears the path for her to view Captain Gates.

xxxxx

They load into the swat van. Esposito is holding an ice pack to the back of his head and he's taken his side. Picked sides with Beckett still, sitting next to her. She is leaning on her knees with her hands folded. Ryan is sitting opposite from them and just thanking his lucky stars that he made it to roof on time.

"Guys, I had to tell Gates to get the back up."

"What? Don't speak to me right now." Javier shouted at him.

"Javi, stop. Just stop. I was just hanging from the roof and Ryan saved my life. I could be lying in that alley way right over there lifeless." As she pointed out the back window of the van. "Face it. I was wrong in thinking we can fight this alone."

The rest of the ride to the precinct was quiet. You could hear each squeak from the suspension of the van it was so quiet. They van stops at the front of the precinct and they are met with Captain Gates at the sidewalk.

"Esposito and Beckett. My office. Now."

Esposito just glared at Ryan and Beckett followed Gates into the building. Esposito and Ryan followed.

"...lying to a superior officer, what you did dishonors this city and dishonors the badge. Not only are you off this investigation, I'm putting you both on administrative leave effective immediately."

"Sir," Beckett started.

"Don't you Sir me. You don't deserve to wear the uniform. Now hand over your badges and guns."

Esposito does his first.

"Detective Beckett."

She reaches for her gun and places it on the desk. She holds her badge a little longer and pads her thumb just under the numbers 41319. She throws down onto the desk and nods, "Keep it. I resign."

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